Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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