i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
