I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
