Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
