So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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