At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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