what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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