i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
