I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
