I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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