I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
