its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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