sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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