Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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