I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
