so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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