She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
