the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
