I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
