I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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