i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In other news, I just burned my penis
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
