I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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