I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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