her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
