I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
