Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
