More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
