is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
