If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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