i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
