Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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