So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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