I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
