Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize