my being single is dangerous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
