Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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