And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
