I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
