She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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