win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
