he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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