just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
