1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
