Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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