I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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