M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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