I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
