help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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