I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
