So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
false alarm, still single
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
