so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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