dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
