Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
