I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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