i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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