I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
