when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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