Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
