I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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