Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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