Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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