We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
