and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
