You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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